put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
