just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
