I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
