One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
