idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
