my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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