well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
