I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
