I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
