I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
