There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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