just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
