there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
