I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
