Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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