my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
