I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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