After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
