I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
