remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
