I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
