DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
