The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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