He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
