I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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