how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
