hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
