i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
