my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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