are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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