I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize