He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
