remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
