Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
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I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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