I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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