After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
