Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
