big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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