whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
