I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
