Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
