Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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