I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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