It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
