yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
