I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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