I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
