also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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