Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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