If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
