Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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