he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
