my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
