How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
