At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
