so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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