Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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