were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
