Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
