My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Mom said you looked used
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
