3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
