Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it penis luge time yet?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
