Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
