Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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