I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
