Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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