Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
