I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
