so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
