my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
