he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
