Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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