3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
