One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
