The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
