so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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