So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
