did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
