Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
