I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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