what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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