dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
