No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
