I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we're making bets on your personal life
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
